Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss’s widow has shared more heartbreaking details about the lead-up to the TV star’s tragic death.
The dancer and television personality took his own life in December 2022 at the age of 40.
He was found dead at a motel near his home in Encino, California, leaving behind his wife Allison Holker, who he’d been married to since 2013, her daughter Weslie, 16, and their two children Maddox, eight, and Zaia, four.
Holker, 36, has since shared details of her life with Boss in her new memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light, as cited by TooFab.
She heartbreakingly revealed that in the months after Boss’s death, she’d hunted for “clues” as to why he’d ended his own life.
Holker revealed that she’d searched through his nightstand, shoeboxes, and even his phone, where she claims he’d “sought out” and “looked up” the number for a suicide hotline in the summer of 2022, months before his death.
She wrote: “I could find no evidence on his phone that he made the call. I’m sure he felt a lot of shame for even having sought out the number.”
Holker also claimed that Boss’s mental state had “deteriorated” after the end of the Ellen Degeneres Show, where he’d worked as an executive producer, DJ, and dancer, and that he was “never the same” after he underwent an ayahuasca trip.
Ayahuasca is a psychoactive beverage traditionally used by indigenous cultures and folk healers in South America for spiritual ceremonies, with them claiming it can uncover and heal a variety of psychosomatic complaints.
Holker revealed that Boss had decided to go on the trip to “confront the pressures of fatherhood, grapple with the absence of father figures in his own life, and address his feelings of abandonment.”
While his experience with the substance apparently started well, Holder claimed it then “took a really weird turn”.
She explained: “Instead of sticking it out, he decided to cut the trip short,” alleging that that meant he’d “left himself more exposed and vulnerable than ever” by leaving early and not finishing the entire process.
“I’ve since learned that for individuals with underlying mental health issues, ayahuasca can exacerbate deep-seated problems,” Holker added.
“It can bring those issues to a boil, if you will, if there is not close supervision. The outcome can be the opposite of the intended healing. Stephen was never the same afterward.”
She claimed that he was “different” in the wake of it, adding: “It was like every day he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”
Holker also claimed that the end of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, which Boss had worked on from 2014 until it ended in May 2022, had also contributed to his struggles.
While he wasn’t unemployed after the show ended, the change in his routine meant Boss had “more time to spend inside his head”, whereas for the nine years beforehand, the show had “given his days a structure and rhythm”.
While Holker says many of the signs Boss was dealing with depression were “concealed”, she revealed that she did notice some signs that his mental state was deteriorating, as he was suffering with “irritability, insomnia, weight loss, a lack of energy, a disinterest in work and friends and fun”.
She added that he’d started to come up with excuses not to do things he’d previously enjoyed, which she later found out was known as anhedonia, which is a common symptom of depression, as well as struggling with his “personal hygiene”.
Holker revealed: “I would find myself pleading with him to take a shower. At the time I thought he was too tired to properly care for himself. Now I know that neglecting self-care is another classic sign of depression.”
